There are billions of people on this planet, the immense majority of whom don’t have any connection to Dharma, or care about it at all.
“Happy” in samsara, ignorance is bliss. Fewer still have a connection with a teacher, or a Sangha. Even fewer are able to make trips around the world to see these teachers, experience the tremendous blessing and powerful purification that can follow us on our journey, even lead by it. And here I stand, a Dharma Nomad of sorts whose life looks like an endless pilgrimage -or perhaps madness- staring at the actual bone relics of the Buddha himself, and I’m not sure what to feel. It is truly emotional, on every level. What did I ever do to be allowed in this place and time? Remembering my past deeds I certainly don’t deserve to be standing here, and yet here I am. Precious human body, precious gift. The weight of it tickles my spine.
Revulsion is the foot of meditation, as is taught. My favorite line from Gampopa, an incredible coincidence as Jamgon Kongtrul Rinpoche just gave the empowerment of Gampopa directly in front of the relics. Here in Dhagpo Kundreul Ling, my very first stop on my road to recovery and rebirth, where the end of the worst of me and the raw beginnings of the true me crossed paths, the former bid adieu. Again I think about the precious human life, this life. How the turtle swam endlessly only to bring his head up at that precise moment and place, a bafflingly impossible move. Literally impossible and yet here I am. Here we all are. How lucky we are to have a connection with Dharma, to even recognize and realize its incredible worth, its preciousness. How lucky to be revolted enough in samsara, sickened to the core, that we put ourselves through the soul blender in search of happiness in the right places, finally. We must continue, we must use this precious life in order not to waste, to be idle and do nothing. The weight of it tickles my spine.
A new stupa, a new life. A teacher, a guide, a map to Awakening. Standing in front of the Buddha’s Relics I am reminded of our journey, the preciousness of it, the fear of wasting it. I once wasted everything, now I am attempting to build again. It’s a slow and painful process. The weight of it tickles my spine. But perhaps that is the gift, the gift of knowing your own potential, and doing what one can to reach it. Never expecting to actually reach it, the path is the goal. The relics make me feel confused, and inspired, scared and whole. Karmapa once told me a sacred place must have all walks of life and all aspects of life surrounding it, the worst of the worst, the best as well. Bodhgaya is such a place, the Relics remind me of that. Both make me uneasy, and profoundly joyful. Both remind me I have work to do. The weight of it tickles my spine, but if I sit back and just watch my mind, I know that I will do what I can. That’s all one can do, just try. Remember how precious it all is, do what we can to not waste it, do better when we can. And when we mess up, just go back and try again. The path is the goal.
