I feel like I am drowning in anxiety and my energy level is through the floor - limping along at a snail’s pace, my mind firing on less than all cylinders, the immeasurable weight of the surrounding space bearing down on me.
It isn’t for any reason in particular, it just happens out of nowhere - my limit is breached and I feel I cannot go on. In a wonderful place, on a beautiful day, surrounded by amazing people; doesn’t make a difference. With Beru Kyentse Rinpoche giving the Empowerment of Sangye Menla directly in front of me, his words cutting through the air like fire as they try to break into my heart; not today it seems. The kind faces and warm greetings I receive from every direction, friends and family I haven’t seen in a long time - nope - the heaviness just won’t budge. Doesn’t matter that it’s a big day and I need to be on my best and upmost to keep up with all that's happening. Nothing doing. But I’ve learned not to worry, there is nothing to do but gently soldier on, push through while remaining kind to myself and keeping my heart open. To try and see all acts of kindness shown to me, or opportunities to show to others. I will softly shatter my limits. I will push myself to be more than I can comfortably be. I will always try and be better, but when I fall I will have the opportunity to try and pick myself up again, stronger than before. These moments are a part of me, but they will not shape who I really am. No matter how heavy I get there will always be light afterwards, there will always be a moment when it will pass, when things will get better. Limits were meant to be met, then shattered by breaking free - but this doesn’t make it any easier. The most important is to always be kind to yourself. Make it to the end of the day. Softly break free. Back once again to easy does it, gently moving forwards, one soft little moment at a time.
Dhagpo Kagyu Ling His Eminence Beru Khyentse Rinpoche #Dharma Family United
