It’s already been a year since the passing of Shamar Rinpoche - it feels like a lifetime and a heartbeat ago that my life was taken from its place and thrown out into the world in a way that I couldn’t have ever imagined or even begun to prepare for. The passing of my teacher was a huge moment in my life, so much of what I had decided and planned for, so much of what I had come to lean on and rely on had been taken away in a flash, a shining light in our lives that a moment later was gone.
Like so many of us, Rinpoche was the rock in our lives. It was he who we leaned on, relied on, asked advice and tried our best to carry out what he expected of us, tried our best to continue regardless of his unique way of throwing us to lions every chance he got, and the exceptional teachings and life experience that came along with it. So it seems rather fitting (and Rinpoche’s style) that I arrived again in Delhi yesterday, a place though I love, but always told myself I would never come back in the summer months - and yet here I am again, for the second summer in a row, in the intense excruciating heat - celebrating Rinpoche’s life, passing, and ever present, ever deep connection to all of us and how he has touched our lives and our hearts.
Preparations have been going for some time now, but as I set foot into the Gompa here there is bustling energy and people in all directions as the final work is being carried out for the commencement of tomorrow’s event. Monks, Lamas and Rinpoches from all over the world are congregating here. Arriving in small groups throughout the day, taxis seem to be coming in a never ending line to the happy and excited students and monks alike, eagerly greeting their respected teachers as they arrive. The final brocades are being carefully laid on the thrones, carpeting and lights are being installed, paint and final details applied with finesse, everything is being carefully double and triple checked. Some of my favorite people in the world are here now, especially some special friends, a group of monks from Kalimpong that I know quite well from last year’s Kudung event. Over tea and some work we all get acquainted again, they were nice enough to try and help me get my phone working, crowding around together laughing as we escaped the ridiculous heat of outside for a few moments in the shade. They are all so close, and every time I have the chance to see them they lift my spirits and make me see the true benefit of a life well spent - a life of community and Sangha all around you.
Rinpoche’s throne stands in the gompa, magnificent as ever, somehow feeling as though he is still seated there, watching us all as we skid around in our attempt to keep ourselves together in the heat and the bustle of preparation. I still feel his presence on a daily basis, but not as strong as today. I feel Rinpoche everywhere here. His energy is ever present and noticeable to me in every step I take, every thought has his character steeped in it, his huge smile and vajra stare following my thoughts as I pass the day trying to film and document what will no doubt be quite the event; - an amazing, intense and powerful few days here in KIBI.
Tomorrow it will begin. Tomorrow we begin to say goodbye again to Rinpoche, to celebrate his amazing life and powerful passing, and his ever present teachings. Everything is impermanent, you need to be aware of it, things will always change. These words echo in my mind and in my heart - for they were the last words he ever said to me. Rinpoche, I am trying my best to understand this, to make the most of every day, to try and grasp just a sliver of what you tried to teach me when you were here. I know that you will always be there with me in your own unique way, and this is something that for me, will never change.
