A struggling addict and lost soul, my stay a gift from then Abbot Lama Tsony, to come and dry out, recover even.
At first I suffered dearly, but by the end I saw a glimpse of my true self coming out, even if it was to recede inwards once again immediately upon leaving. But the memory, and that relief, left a lasting impression on my heart. I had yet to feel at peace with myself in any meaningful way, every moment an agonizing reminder of how little my life made sense and how uncomfortable I was simply being me. Now I find myself here again, now Karmapa’s photographer, 13 years sober, a father and husband. I’m feeling “peaceful” and “relaxed” in ways I had never dreamed of. I use quotation marks because my version of these experiences is surely to be more intense than average folk, but a win is a win. A life unbelievably changed into an unrecognizable state, with only fleeting wildness and fervor to mark the path behind me. Here is where my life really began, where the innermost (sensitive) part of me came out to greet the world for the first time, and it feels surreal to be back.
Speaking of surreal, the weather on our tour has been totally wild - intense heat, or cold and icy rain like February. Burning necks and roasting socks, only to dip into freezing again moments later. If I wasn’t entirely sure it’s July I could be easily led to believe this was a winter tour. While the photos below -coming from the two day public program -may seem bright and sunny, I can assure you these moments of dazzling blue sky were only present for a few moments, right after the empowerment. As if by plan, Karmapa rounded the corner of the temple, rays of warm lit up everyone, and with perfect rim light the blessing photos were steeped in a magical golden hour hue. Fitting, the instant Karmapa goes outside we’re greeted to beautiful skies, sunstars and warm faces. The instant he goes back inside, the rain began again. Such is being around him, it’s like a different universe that makes daily visits to this one, and one never quite knows what to expect, or how to even prepare for it. The moment you grasp on, there is again a shift and off it goes, flitting away. Never boring, always special. Never the same, always changing. To be ready, at literally any time of day or night, for literally anything to happen. Who would have known that my previous life, full of its wildness, endless touring, late nights and frenzied shows would be so invaluable in shaping and supporting this new life? Who would have known that the subject of my life’s work and devotion would be a being such a he? I certainly didn’t, but I get the feeling someone did.
One evening after the event I received a message saying Karmapa wanted me to go to the rooftop and take some photos. So I waited and waited for the sun to come. Finally in the late afternoon the sky cleared, lofty clouds dotted the sky, and for about half an hour I simply enjoyed the rooftop with the dazzling view. While the photos came out great, I can’t help but think the real reason he wanted me to go up might have been more personal. A few moments for me perhaps. Only he would know of course, but I was very touched all the same. I’ve learned to be guided by those who see things far clearer than I, and to enjoy the sun stars along the way.
