It feels like ages since I was home, but this has been without a doubt my best tour yet. I’m having more and more fun, feeling more relaxed and confident than ever before. My aim is steady and true, even in a hailstorm. My work has also evolved a ton over the years, growing and changing with my deepening understanding of light, shadow, movement and stillness. Two months can seem like a lot, but it flew by in a haze of wild energy and captivating emotions. There’s nothing quite like it, and I miss it already. But I am very happy to be home with my family, spending daddy time and leaving the camera to hibernate for a while.
I hurt my knee pretty badly right before tour, and there was a brief moment when I had to reflect on the real possibility I might have to stay home. Miss the tour, miss everything. I was heartbroken. But I was given the chance to go anyway, grit and bear it, and I’m glad I did. I made a promise to myself, and my doctor, that I would lever down my intensity and try my best to protect my knee until I could get surgery after returning home. To pay close attention to how I move, how hard I push, and be critically aware of the pressure I put on my body while I work. I’m sitting in a hospital bed as I write this, awaiting surgery, and I can happily say I did succeed in making it to the end, with an intact knee to boot. (Sorry for the pun, it’s raining and hospitals are boring :) ) Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, but it was a wake-up call. A desperate workaholic by nature, I thrive when things are busy, I’m at my happiest in the turmoil and endless activity of my work. I know, I push too hard, story of me, of my life. So I made another promise, with my dad, who happens to have the same attachment to work as I do: we would both throttle back to 87.6%. An arbitrary number, meant only to be a symbolic offering of relaxing a tiny bit. Doing more with less. Not pushing so hard. In the end it was the best thing to happen to me in years.
I feel my work, and my mind and heart, felt great relief from this new work ethic. I enjoyed myself more, had more fun, talked to people or went to dinner every once in a while instead of burying myself in my computer every night. I planned my shots more, changed lenses less, spent more time watching instead of running all over. I stopped to say hi more than I usually do, and that resulted in wonderful conversations and memories I might have otherwise missed out on, like I used to do. Now, I did work a LOT, and I did spend a ridiculous amount of time on my computer, but I backed it off just enough to make a change. I tried my best, and that 12.4% made a big difference. Just a slight reduction in intensity led to immense relief, and much more rich experiences which I hold dearly in my heart. I really did make more with less. To end the tour Karmapa went back to Dhagpo Möhra for a few days, two small programs but nothing public per se. A visit to a salt graduation tower with the Mayor, a piano concert, and a meeting with the Youth Sangha that he always seems to enjoy so much. I enjoyed it too. And in those final days I saw my family, came down slowly from the grind and speed of tour, and thus far have avoided the epic crash I normally experience after such a time away.
In the end my knee was a blessing, something that will make a permanent fixture in my life. Living with it forever, forever making an effort to push just a little less. A gift. I share this because perhaps some of you have a similar drive, similar intensity, and perhaps we can all take a moment to reflect on how we treat ourselves. I’ll be fine, it’s not a huge thing, no need to worry. But it has changed the way I see my work for the better, and that’s a powerful blessing all in itself. I leave you all with that, and a grateful heart with memories to last a lifetime. I miss the road already, but I’ll be back soon enough.
Love you all, talk soon.
